Allowing our wounds to heal

A wound that goes unacknowledged and unwept is a wound that cannot heal.
{John Eldredge}

Rex and I, and even Jackson, have been given many gifts. Some physical, but many many in the form of graces: tiny and large tangible graces of which I am confident are the results of unwavering prayer and petition said for us in these past weeks.

My, how we have grown. Together, and in ourselves, in our walk with the Lord, as children of God and as brand new (and still inexperienced) parents. My, we have grown.

The tears ebb and flow, as do the emotions. In Mass today, three weeks after we met Jackson for the first and last time, I wept yet again throughout the consecration, and the Sanctus (Holy, Holy, Holy…), And every moment in which the gap between heaven and earth became harder to define. Mass for us lately has not only been a time of healing and reconnecting with our Rock and foundation… It has also been a time of reunion with our own son, a Saint in the heavens whom sings alongside us throughout the Mass and worships the same Christ that we do. I am so close to him when I am there, I can feel it. I am asking him to help me love Jesus like he does now- perfectly, without hesitation. Gosh, I’ve never been more homesick.

It hasn’t been easy, not one day. I told my mama that today (a few days ago) was a hard day – but so is everyday. It’s going to keep being hard, and soon we will adjust and it won’t seem so hard anymore because we have grown and learned.

Rex and I are going to visit Jackson’s place in the cemetery tomorrow! I’m excited for him to see it. I have a book we got as a baby gift for Christmas from Jackson’s grandma Jenny… “I love you Animally”. I am bringing it with to read while we’re there.